This morning EA have revealed that whilst they are still unwilling to reveal the identity of their new CEO, they have stated that he will require an always-active internet connection in order to function.

“In an unprecedented move across the industry,” EA stated, “we have acknowledged a shift in paradigms with the next generation of company directives. Revolutionary reactions to altered market forces mean we cannot rest on our laurels when it comes to procedural shifts in the networking environment. As a result, our new CEO will require a permanent internet connection.”

Supplied with the latest in 4G and EA’s innovative Net-Specs technology, the new CEO will have access to all market information, sales records and employment histories of the company at all times, meaning they will be able to react instantly to any changes in the company.

I asked EA what would happen if their CEO was to lose access to the internet, even for a second.

“Never going to happen,” they responded.

ADDENDUM: THIS ARTICLE WAS POSTED 1ST APRIL 2013, AND MAY THEREFORE CONTAIN LITTLE TO NO BASIS IN FACTUAL TRUTH.