You might have noticed that The Reticule‘s writers are comically malformed to the extent that before you’d see them at the county fair you’d probably sense a wave carried before them, a wave of barely stifled chuckles and the the gasps of children hushed by tactically placed elbow pokes. There’s a reason for this: we’re members of a particularly intimate family. (Note to self: must find out specifics of libel, esp. regarding the slagging-off of one’s associates). This family of ours is burgeoning and closely-bonded, plus it’s noteworthy in two respects:

1. Our homestead is built upon an online dignity burial ground – the RPS group on Steam.
2. We have Ploddish.

Ploddish is one of the youngest of our number – not yet marked by the series of shames which oft comprise family interactions – and as such he abounds with vigour and curiosity for everything life may hold. Just the other day he whispered to me (for Papa Triop demands silence after lights-out) that he’d found all of Left 4 Dead‘s sound files, which included all the music, sound-effects and much of the dialogue (thus spoilers) for the game. The young lad was clearly excited, and I was happy for him, but the joy in his voice threatened to wake the patriarch, so I ordered him to quiet down before he continued:

“Bill says the horde are zombies! I think that’s kinda strange ‘cos I don’t see them missing arms or anything, but Bill says it!”

At this point, The Poisoned Sponge rolled over and added:

“Bill also says that he doesn’t want to be eaten by the zombies when he dies.”

Having had bad experiences with old men in the past, I’m less willing than my slumber-buddies to trust Bill. Besides, I think there’s a wealth of evidence to support the theory that the four are dealing with a Very Angry Person infection (ala 28 Days Later) rather than zombs. Let’s try and work this out together, shall we?

Most obviously, the foursome are confronted with highly mobile hordes. If you’ve ever read the Zombie Survival Guide, you’ll be familiar with the many reasons why the probably probable undead menace will not consist of dashing young chaps. Secondly, I’ve not yet seen them expressing a preference for the nomming of human flesh, though Steve swears he’s observed one munching his aft quarters. Finally, astute observers will notice that Left 4 Dead‘s infected exist in one of two states before being stumbled upon; the first being a trance-like state of contentment with the world and all of its challenging doorknobs, either that or you’ll have found them clumsily fighting amongst themselves – rather unusual for zombies, who are strictly selective pacifists.

Join the debate! You can explore Ploddish‘s repository in:

[Your Steam Directory]\Steam\steamapps\common\left 4 dead demo\left4dead\sound